Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
