Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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