That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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