i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
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I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.