I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
