ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today