Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shark week go big or go home
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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