she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need to stop coming to work sober
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.