I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.