I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.