I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
