i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
