Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
