i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
