if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just puked most of my soul out..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
