I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
