Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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