Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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