I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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