Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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