Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She announced her abortion via fbk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
