I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
