just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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