All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
