just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
