Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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