when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
