Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
