Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
