where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
