Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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