hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
