THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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