i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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