what day is it and did you see me today?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
