Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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