Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
