I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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