You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
