WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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