Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?