How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
