I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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