If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
