you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.