my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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