I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
