thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
