Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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