I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
