yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize