u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Farmville is her only friend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
