Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
