My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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