I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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