i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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