Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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