White coat. Heels.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
