If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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