I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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