I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
