I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
