how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
