i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
