So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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