Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how drunk are you?
Several
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
