I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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