If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
