he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize