I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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