I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
